I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
