I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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