I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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