Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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