If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need water and some morals
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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