I wish I could teleport
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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