I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
FUCK WHALES
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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