you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
