What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize