How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
