I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's like iHOP with fire
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
