I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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