Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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