Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
