What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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