Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
