Got a toothbrush?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
