Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
