just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
