i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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