If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize