my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
