you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
