My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
