dude i'm inner monologue high
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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