I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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