Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
