Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
