please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
