It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Will exercising make me less horny?
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