i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
