thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
