come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Still dying that you shit outside
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
