I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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