She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
