i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
