I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
