Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
