I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
