Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm both gender and math confused
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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