he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
