I think my fart just growled at me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
