it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
