I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
