duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
