You really coming over, don't trick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That accounts for only three of the penises
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
