What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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