The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
