VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
