just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
