why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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