Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
