i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
