I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize