At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
