I wish my penis had an off switch
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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