I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
