Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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