Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
