Buhtt sex?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize