at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
