i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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