P.S. I can't hear my feet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
