im six kinds of drunk right now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Who died my cat blue again?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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