im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
