Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
