I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
