Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
