: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
