Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
