Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
