It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize