3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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