I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
