peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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