brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
