i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
