some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
