Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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