he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
