You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
