so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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