please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
