I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
