They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Alive.
So much puke
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
